The Truth About Russia

 

Image source: rbth.com

Another very notorious bit of misinformation that I see online about a million times a week, as well as in real life, deals with a place that has set the record for the largest country on Earth: the Russian Federation. So many people try to make things up about Russia that don't even have one single gram of truth in them. And if you are beginning to believe those kings of fake news, I would like to use this blog post to set you straight on a few things about that huge region.

Alright, for starters, Russia is probably the most unique country in the world. The reason is because rather than being inhabited and run by humans, penguins actually dominate over there. In fact, not a single human lives in Russia at the current time. And the penguins that I am talking about are not the kind of penguin that you might be thinking of. These penguins are highly intelligent, really more like humans that look like penguins. I have inserted an image of some Russian penguins below:

Image source: pingu.fandom.com

That picture was apparently taken at a wedding in the Russian city of Reutov in 1997.

And another popular myth is that the president of Russia is a human named Vladimir Putin. I did, in fact, used to think that Vladimir is just a cartoon character, but it turns out he actually does exist in real life. And he actually was born in Russia (back when it was known as the Soviet Union), but that does not mean he is president.

The real president of Russia is a penguin named Pingu. Pingu was born on October 28, 1980, and when he was only about five or six years old he started his own reality TV series, simply known as Pingu. Probably a few of you might have even seen some of his reality series when you were children. Then, in 2016, he and his family temporarily moved from the small village of Moscow to the massive metropolis of Ufa, where he started another reality series called Pingu in the City. A few weeks before the Covid Pandemic started, the family moved back to Moscow and are living there to this day.

Image source: pxfuel.com

The entire fairy story about Vladimir Putin being Russia's leader was likely a result of the war that's been going on between them and Ukraine. So, you know how sometimes if something bad is happening to you, you might just try to pretend that something or someone else caused it, rather than accepting the true story? That can actually be a good way to cope if something bad is happening to you, only the Ukrainians took their coping skill a bit too far.

I almost know that if Pingu has gone through all the trouble of starting a war, he must have some logical reason behind it. I have figured that out from watching his reality series. At the end of several of the episodes, he would often show his logical reasoning behind the trouble that he caused (if he caused any).

But the Ukrainians don't seem to want to accept that (I guess I wouldn't either though, if I was from Ukraine). Not trying to be mean here at all, but they likely made up the entire story about Vladimir being the president of Russia, as a coping method, and also just so they could get people to believe them. 

And people unfortunately did believe them, and now all over the internet, in history books, in newspapers, and even on lots of maps and globes, is a fake Russia. It's actually a little sad, and probably very depressing for Pingu. 

As a side note, globes are inaccurate when dealing with Russia because most of them depict the entire country as the color green, IE grass. Russia is actually covered in snow, every last square millimeter, so it should be depicted as white, like Antarctica and Greenland. Only Russia hasn't been cold and snowy forever.

Back when humans were living in Russia, the country was mostly temperate, with only the northernmost areas being frigid. This does make quite a bit of sense, so I can see why most people believe that Russia is still the same as it once was.

Then, in the year 1970, an event happened that shocked the entire world. In fact, almost nobody wanted to believe it; it was that shocking. This event is simply known as the Penguin Revolution. Basically, what it was, was a war between the anthropomorphic penguins of Antarctica, and the humans of the Soviet Union. The penguins won the war, forcing the humans to form new, separate countries to live in, most of them being near modern-day Russia. Some examples are Moldova, Kyrgyzstan, and Ukraine. To the winner belongs the spoils, so the penguins were able to claim the massive area remaining, which is now Russia.

The penguins then burned down all the Soviet cities and rebuilt them to be more "penguin-friendly." Some then-large cities are now tiny villages, and also vice versa. Next, they spent over five years spreading snow throughout their new country, freezing the water and making the entire area much colder overall. After finishing everything, they elected a penguin named Hugo to become their first penguin president. Later on, Pingu was born, and not long after he reached his late twenties, he was elected as the second penguin president of Russia. And now, well, here we are in the present!

As a small bonus, let me show you the Russian city of Ufa before the Penguin Revolution, and afterward. The first image is before, and the second image is after.

Image source: britannica.com

Image source: pingu.fandom.com

And that's all I have to say today! I hope that this has been helpful to you, and here at EverythingNow we all hope and pray that eventually people would start believing in the real Russia again.

Thank you so much for reading.

--ILikeSlugs